Well fuck. It’s been ages and ages since I posted and last time I posted I said it wasn’t going to be ages and ages until I posted again. Guess I lost that battle.
I’m not going to waste my time or your time pontificating on the goings on of my existence, however, I know that the 3 of you who read this have been following my story and I owe you something of an update. Here it is: Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Hell Yes. No. I don’t think so. Yes. FUCK NO!! A THOUSAND TIMES NO! Maybe. Yes. Okay. Whatever. Coffee. Black. Whiskey straight up.
Now that we have gotten that out of the way, here are the 3 most requested playlists of the last 3 months. Take what you like and leave the rest. I think most, if not all, are available via iTunes.
LUCY JORDAN
The Ballad of Lucy Jordan – Marianne Faithful
When the Train Came Along – Molly Gene One Whoaman Band
A Fire Burns for Freedom – Ziggy Marley
Reach Out of the Darkness – Friend & Lover
Happy – Pharrell
Songs We Used to Sing – Possessed by Paul James
Pocket Full of Misery – Uncle Lucious
Girl, You’ll Be a Woman Soon – Urge Overkill
Little Red Shoes – Loretta Lynn
Sweet But Bitter Life – Possessed by Paul James
Slow & Easy – Scott H Biram
If I Were A Carpenter – Johnny Cash and June Carter
The Whippoorwill – Blackeberry Smoke
Back Down Here on Earth – Possessed by Paul James
Own Side – Caitlin Rose
BURN IT UP
Down & Out – Boozoo Bajou
Set Fire to the Rain – Adele
Feels Like Fire – Santana
I’m on Fire – Bruce Springsteen
Peter Gunn Theme
Mahna, Mahna – Cake
Little Fire – Taj Weekes
Yell Fire! – Michael Franti
Burnin’ Nashville Down – Fifth on the Floor
Hard to Handle – Black Crowes
Slow, Hot & Sweaty – JJ Grey & MoFro
This Wheel’s on Fire – Guster
Fire on the Mountain – Grateful Dead
Hard Sun – Eddie Vedder
Slow Like Honey – Fiona Apple
We Belong
We Belong – Pat Benatar
Life in a Northern Town – The Dream Academy
All We’ve Got is Now – Uncle Lucius
Come Together – The Beatles
Who’s Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses – U2
A Little Bit of Riddim – Michael Franti
Holiday – Green Day
Revolution – Grandaddy
Sweet Dreams – Eurythmics
Invincible – Pat Benatar
Don’t You (Forget About Me) – Simple Minds
Let My Love Open the Door – Pete Townshend
Sweet Caroline – Neil Diamond
Kodachrome – Paul Simon
Honky Tonk Women – The Rolling Stones
Drive – The Cars
Time of Your Life – Green Day
Que Sera, Sera (Whatever Will Be, Will Be) – Sly & The Family Stone
I am always being told that there are no rules for this grief thing, that everyone does it their own way, in their own time, that whatever I’m going through is okay. I agree with them. It’s total anarchy over here. I’m sure that some of the choices I have made – or are contemplating making – cause folks to think I’ve lost my damn mind. I want to ask those people the following question: did I ever truly have it?
It’s no secret that I’m not your typical yogin. I like steak, I like to have a cocktail, I like motorcycles, tattoos, bearded men, bar room brawls, I can cuss like a sailor and make inappropriate jokes. I’m also the kind of yoga teacher that cares more about what an asana feels like rather than what it looks like. What feels better for me might not be what feels better for you. As long as you’re not going to hurt yourself (it’s my job to prevent you from doing that,) get in touch with your inner self and do what feels right. Break the rules. Rule yourself! Anarchy.
All of this came to a head a couple of weeks ago when I realized that there is no way I will please everyone all the time and there are times that I will please no one, so I might as well do what pleases me. I can’t care about what anyone else thinks as I’m grieving my husband. As long as it feels right to me, it’s the right thing to do. That might look like staying in bed all day. That might look like going out and meeting new friends. That might look like getting a new tattoo. That might look like riding down the highway on the back of someone’s Harley. That might look like any number of things, and here’s the thing: I get to make my own rules. The process is sort of Anarchy.
I’ve been watching Sons of Anarchy a lot recently. There’s some release in watching people act out the feelings I have deep inside that I can’t safely act upon. It’s cathartic. Whether that means watching people express feelings without fear of repercussion, loving fearlessly, or getting revenge for someone hurting your loved one, seeing it is better, for me, than acting upon it. The other great thing about SoA is that it has an amazing soundtrack. When everything started coming together, I made a playlist that was almost 100% of songs from SoA. The only exception is one song from Shooter Jennings and one from Frankie Miller. As it turned out, folks responded like gang busters to this playlist and, since I’ve been asked several times to share it, I am going to post it.
Fortunate Son — Bob Thiele, Jr. & Lyle Workman
He Got Away – Noah Gundersen and The Forest Rangers
John the Revelator – Curtis Stigers and The Forest Rangers
This Life (Instrumental) – Domink Hauser
Someday Never Comes – Billy Valentine and The Forest Rangers
Travelin’ Band – Curtis Stigers and The Forest Rangers
Girl From the North Country – The Lions
Gimme Shelter – Paul Brady and The Forest Rangers
15 Million Light Years Away – Shooter Jennings
Sympathy for the Devil – Jane’s Addiction
Higher Ground – Franky Perez and The Forest Rangers
Jealous Guy – Frankie Miller
Bird on a Wire – Katy Sagal and The Forest Rangers
What a Wonderful World – Allison Mosshart and The Forest Rangers
Forever Young – Audra Young and The Forest Rangers
Yesterday was my day off. I usually stay pretty low on my days off because, well, because I can. However, yesterday I decided to take the kids out for lunch at the pub my husband manages. My kids have been going there since the day they were born and they know the place like the backs of their hands, but more importantly, all the staff know them like their own kids or little brothers. Plus, the place makes a damn fine burger (point number one.) It was well after the typical lunch hour (we know better than to go during the rush,) and since I had nothing of major importance to do (remember, it was my day off,) I had a beer with my burger (point number two.) Nothing about either of these points is anything new for me. I love red meat (I’ve been known to say I could bite a cow right on the ass, not that I ever have actually done it) and I love a good beer. Most everyone who knows me knows this, but there are a lot of folks who *think* they know me because they know what I do for a living, as was the case yesterday. Someone saw me eating a burger (gasp!) and drinking a beer (GASP!) and approached me with a “I just caught you with your hand in the cookie jar” sort of look and said to me, “I didn’t know you were so cool!” as they showed me that they, too, were eating a burger and drinking a grown up juice box. I, of course, smiled and said something along the lines of, “Well, I’m more than just what you see on the mat!,” and moved on. And then I came home and started a whole feed on Twitter with the hashtag #yogateachertruth. You can read most of them over there. ———>
It just got me thinking about how many misconceptions people have about yoga teachers and WHY they have these misconceptions. I have never made bones about who I am. I think I’m pretty much a “what you see is what you get” kind of a person. I’ve never tried to hide things about myself, even when they are really really ugly things. It never occurred to me to do anything else. I have moments and times when I am feeling on top of the world, totally yoga stoned, and especially enlightened, but I’ve never once pretended that I’m like that all the time. So, why in the world would folks be surprised to see me being human? I think it’s because so many well known yogins (famous and not so famous,) are always acting like life is one big fluffy cloud of awesomeness and they are SO much more enlightened than anyone else. How well did that work out for you, John Friend? Or how about the whole Rodney Yee scandal that folks have forgotten about? Dear Maude, it’s starting to look like all of yoga is just a bunch of folks who study more Jimmy Swaggart than Jivamukti. No wonder folks get the wrong impression of yoga teachers – many yoga teachers feed the wrong impressions!
Really, let me state something straight up: Even the most zen, yogic, blissed out person gets pissed off now and then. Even the most enlightened person needs to step out from under the Bodhi tree to get down with their bodacious self. It might not look like burgers and beer. It might look more like shameless shoe shopping, riotous speeding down the highway, or saying the word “Fuck” frequently (not that I would know anything at all about any of those things,) but I promise you, NO yoga teacher is *that* perfect, *that* serene, *that* superior. It doesn’t happen, it doesn’t exist. Know why? (Oh this is going to blow your minds, so sit down and wait for it.)
BECAUSE WE ARE HUMANS, TOO.
(Of course, there are many YTs that would debate and deny that. See above.)
So, before the whole title of this post loses it’s purpose, let’s get on to the list of a few of things I’ll not tell you.
In NO specific order:
“Oh I hang out in Scorpion for 108 minutes every morning before breakfast!” Please. Give me a break. Honestly, I can do Scorpion, but there are days when I cannot even freaking do Tree without falling. I’m okay with that and you should be, too.
“Some child spilled their cup of cow milk on my shoe at the playground and I nearly vomited! MILK!! MILK!! Can you imagine?!?! Gross.” Someone said that to me once. If I’m lying, I’m dying. I swear to Elvis and all that is holy, some crazy obsessive vegan said that to me. WHAT THE WHAT? Here’s the deal: eat or drink what you want. Don’t eat or drink what you don’t want. YAY for Vegans – I love many! But don’t for one second pretend to be so sanctimonious and sensitive that you cannot even tolerate a toddler – a TODDLER (they spill EVERYTHING) – spilling 3 drops of milk onto your shoe. Get over yourself, please, or I may be forced to vomit my bacon sundae upon you.
“I’m so much better / holier / yogier / more enlightened than you!” Really? REALLY? Yeah. That sounds terribly enlightened. Thanks for living the “we are all one” yoga model. You rock. :rolls eyes:
“I LOVE everyone!” Bullshit. I find that utter bullshit. I don’t love everyone. I don’t even like everyone! Now, do I respect the rights of everyone? Yes. Do I see everyone as my fellow human and thus a member of my human family? Yes. But let me just say: I don’t even like all the members of my birth family, much less every member of my human family! I’ll fight for your rights until the day I die, but that doesn’t mean I won’t also fight you.
“I just LOVE Kirtan! You can’t have a yoga life without it!!!” Okay, I admit, I do like some Kirtan. But I also do like some WHAM! , Kid Rock, and Ganesha knows I think the sun rises and sets in Shooter Jennings’ cowboy boots. I’m more likely to be found back stage, center stage, or sneaking onto the stage at some honkey tonk with a strong drink in hand and rowdiness in my heart than sitting on a cushion chanting “Hare Rama!” Again, I LOVE KIRTAN and I have, and will again, pull out that cushion, but only once for every 40 concerts I attend.
“Nice tights!!” They’re tights. They’re not yoga pants. I can see your underwear and everything under them. I’m okay with that if you are, but you should know that if I can see through them, so can the dude on the mat behind you.
“My kids never anger me. They are our future, they are our everything. If we show them anger or limits, they might know that they have anger and that they have limits!” Oh please. Children need to be able to explore allllllll their emotions and feelings. They need to be able to get angry. And DEAR SWEET ELVIS ON VELVET, kids need limits. If you think you’re doing the right thing by not limiting your children, why don’t you go on ahead and read We Need to Talk About Kevin.
“I can’t hang out with you because you’re my student, I’m your teacher, and I’m SO much better than you!” Oh please. PLEASE! This is such shit. When I hear teachers saying that they never would have lunch or dinner or a drink (tea is a drink, yo) with their students unless it’s a “teaching moment,” all I can think is, “Sweet sassafrass, you don’t have many friends, do you?” I’ll be honest – if I can’t hang with someone without them “teaching” me, well then, I won’t hang out with that person at all. And neither should you! Listen up: every teacher is a student, every student is a teacher. First round is on me, second is on you.
I’m not better than you (well, most of you — ugh, still struggling with that) and you’re not better than me. Yoga is meant to meet us where we are and take us where we’re *all* headed. You’ll not reach enlightenment any faster by avoiding bacon nor will I reach it any slower by running to roadhouses. We’re all on the same journey and we will all reach the same samadhi eventually, it’s just that our paths might take different routes to get there. So if it makes you feel better to take what you assume is the high road, you go right ahead. More power to you. I’ll take the dirt road and, I promise, we’ll cross the finish line together at exactly the same time.
Under the influence of Shiner Bock and Shooter Jennings. Can I get an “AMEN!?”
I have taken a ton of yoga classes in my life and I have taught a ton, as well. Being that Vinyasa style yoga is my main schtick, I almost always practice to music. There are arguments for and against using music in class (I see you, Iyengarites, and I love you,) and I do think there is a time and place for silence during a practice, but I am here to tell you one thing and here it is:
If you use music in class, you had better use the good stuff and you had better use it correctly.
Your playlist matters!
As I said, I couldn’t count the number of classes I have taken over the years. Thousands and thousands, I’m assuming. I was discussing on Twitter yesterday whether or not I have ever walked out of a yoga class. As of this writing, no, I have not. I have thought about it, though, way more than once. Sometimes I have been tempted to leave because the teacher was giving dangerous cues, sometimes because the teacher was giving dangerous adjustments, sometimes because the teacher gave NO adjustments, but more often than not, I have considered leaving because of a terrible playlist. I’ll wait here while you judge me and call me snobbish. Go ahead. Okay. Ready to move on and hear my reasoning?
When I was a teenager, I converted to vegetarianism. I was the only person in my family who was vegetarian (and to this day, I think I’m the only one in my entire extended family of origin who ever went meatless for more than a day or two,) and it wasn’t as though my family was learned in the art of vegetarian cooking or even in the full thought process behind it. As a result, many a dinner conversation went like this:
Me: What’s for dinner, Mom?
Mom: Chili, it’s been simmering for hours.
Me: Oh cool! Did you make a small bit in a separate pot without meat for me?
Mom: Nope, but I left the pieces of beef big enough that you can pick them out.
Me: *facepalm*
Now, of course, my mom didn’t mean to make eating such a challenge, she just didn’t realize that the meat had permeated every bit of that chili and not paying attention to it would not make the chili vegetarian. She didn’t realize that I would be able to tell, that I would still taste it and know that it went against what I was trying to do, she didn’t know that it could make me sick, she didn’t know that, regardless of how much or how little, the meat was still there and it would affect me.
Yoga playlists are like meat in the chili – they flavor the whole practice. People have strong emotional ties to music. Music is a trigger, a touchstone, an anchor for people. A song can bring people to their feet or to their knees, it can lead to healing and it can lead to hope, and sometimes, it can lead a person to, or through, their own personal Hell. Of course, there is no way to know exactly who will show up to your class or what their stories might be. No one can tell what energy will come up and what will happen. You cannot make a playlist that 100% of your students will love 100% of the songs 100% of the time, but there are a few things you can do to increase your odds. There have been a ton of articles and blog posts about yoga playlists (I swear, Google them,) so there might be better tips out there than these, but I have been told that I make pretty awesome playlists and this is what I think about while making them. What can I say? I’ve eaten a lot of chili.
Recipe for a good playlist:
1 good, strong theme, divided.It doesn’t have to be an earth-shattering, life-changing theme, although it very well might be. Decide if you are teaching a theme (heart openers, forgiveness, gratitude, sutras, strength, etc.,) and then keep that in mind when you’re making the playlist. If you’re doing a class on quieting the mind, it’s unlikely that you’re going to find people appreciating MC Yogi rapping all the way through their Rajakapotasana. Alternatively, if you’re teaching a sweaty, high-flying, advanced class with inversions, arm balances, and power flows, you’re going to have a hard time building the mojo if you’re listening to Yanni. The 2nd part of these theme involves the lyrics of the music you choose. Go ahead and try to get people to move into forgiveness while you play “Burn This Mutha Down.” Good luck with that.
1 reasonably awesome sense of timing. Now, of course, no one is perfect and sometimes teachers (read: me) get off on a tangent or is really feeling the groove and might just get away from the intended timing and flow of things for a minute or two, but if you have a 60 minute class, you know that you’re going to need some beginning meditation, warm up, active practice, cool down, and Savasana. It’s unlikely that folks will get that good, centered feeling that puts them in the yoga mind if you start your beginning meditation to the sound stylings of AC/DC. Expect at least 10 minutes at the beginning and at the end for slower, more quiet stuff, and make your playlist the length of your class. Let the middle rock their socks off (if it fits the theme,) but you gotta give folks time to wind up and wind down. It’s exactly the opposite of what a good artist will do while recording an album. They start and end with a bang and put the ballads in the middle, but you have to do the reverse. Remember: you’re on a yoga mat, not on tour. This will also help you move through the class, especially if you’re nowhere near a clock. Hear the music start winding down? You better start wrapping it up.
A splash of sing-along, a dash of shut up. As big as the debate is over the use of music or no music in class, there is an even bigger one raging out there about whether or not to use music with lyrics in class or solely instrumentals. People are passionate about this! Personally, I like to mix it up. I like to have a blend of songs that folks can / might / will sing along with (even if only in their heads,) and some that are either in a foreign language (Sanskrit, Spanish, French, and Portuguese are all good,) or have no language at all, within the same playlist. There are times when people will want /need to connect with words, with memories, with the feelings associated with singing a song they know and love. Sometimes singing along (or boogying a little) can help take the focus away from how much a person might struggle with a certain asana. I know folks who hate Utkatasana. I mean, they loathe that little chair. Play a little Rolling Stones during it, however, and suddenly they don’t hate it so much. There will also be times when each person will need all of their attention to hold asana or pranayama and lyrics can be distracting. Instrumentals and foreign language own these moments, so shut the sing-along up and just let the body tell the story.
A strong fusion of flavors.Have you ever had chili from Cincinnati? They put chocolate in their chili. Yep, chocolate. I thought that was completely insane and total food blasphemy … until I tried it. It’s incredible! I add chocolate to my chili every time I make it now. It adds depth, character, and unexpected flavor. You have to add the chocolate to your playlist. Don’t stick with only one genre and era in your playlist. Mix it up! As Kid Rock says, “I love country, soul, rock and roll, and I love me some hip hop!” Blend a little New Age with Outlaw Country, some 70’s Soul with Boston Pops, Folk with Funk, and don’t forget the covers and remixes. You have to remember that you will have a myriad of students in your class and they are all going to relate to something. Don’t alienate anyone, but also don’t be afraid to be outrageous. You’d be surprised at how often the quiet grandmother in the back row absolutely loves Santana and Sublime.
An entire bushel of Fresh. I remember when I was teaching just one or two classes a week, I used to make a new playlist for each and every single class. Now, I teach upwards of 6 classes a week and just don’t have the time or the energy to do 312 playlists a year. Probably a good thing, because I have realized that folks will remember a playlist and wish to hear it again. That said, no one wants to hear the same playlist each time they get on the mat. Trust me, no matter how much you love your own music, not everyone is going to love everything all the time. Make several playlists and rotate them. If you know that you’ve played the same playlist enough time that your students know what song is coming next, it’s time for a change. Look for new (or new to you) music. Keep your ears open and you’ll find new yoga music in the most unlikely places. I cannot tell you how many songs I found by watching NBC’s Parenthood. If you have an iPhone, the app “Shazam” will save your life. If you don’t, just google “song at the end of Big Bang Theory” and you’ll find something. If a song impressed you, I promise it will have impressed someone else and that someone else is faster and posting than you. Regardless of how you find them, where you get them, you will benefit from new songs, so get going, get searching, and get FRESH.
A slice of editing. You know how sometimes you’re listening to the radio and you get about 5 seconds of dead air? Yeah, we all hate that. Here’s the thing: some songs just have about 5 seconds of nothingness at the end of the track. I don’t know why (yes, I’m sure you do and would love to tell me, but I don’t care to know,) but I do know that it sucks and has no business in a playlist unless you use the space for a reading or a moment of silence and you’d better time it so folks are standing in tadasana with eyes closed when it happens. Who needs that pressure? So, take it easy on yourself and listen to the songs, trimming them as you need to. You can do this in iTunes by right-clicking the song, selecting Get Info -> Options -> Stop Time.
A jumbo sized sense of humor. Let’s face it, it’s going to go wrong sometimes. Sometimes you’ll have dead air, sometimes a song will fall flat, sometimes a person will freak when you play Akon or cry when you play Johnny Cash, and sometimes, just sometimes, there will be an unexpected shock. I will never forget the class I taught at the gym all those years ago that was packed wall to wall with conservative bodies and I was playing The Fugees and, well, you know that Wycleff can use all kinds of colorful, inappropriate language in the last few seconds of a song! Suddenly there it was, the “N” word blaring over the speakers to 40 or so of the high muckety-muck society and there I was standing in front of all these people trying to not pee my pants. I nearly lost my gig, but managed to cover it up by saying something along the lines of, “Well, now, that is the last time I let Sister Mary Mercy make my yoga playlist!” They all cracked up and we moved on. Thank Elvis. So, be sure to use that slash of editing and then learn to laugh at yourself. After all, it’s a playlist, not the presidency. Lighten up!
What matters to you in a playlist? What do you like? When do you like it? How do you plan yours? Share recipe here – our ears are hungry!
I woke up the other day singing Marvin Gaye’s “Mercy Mercy Me.” There are worse things, for certain, but I couldn’t get it out of my head. I tried all my regular tricks: I sang the whole thing beginning to end, I listened to it, I wrote it out, I tried other songs… nothing. Still stuck in my head. There had to have been a reason.
It occurred to me that maybe I needed a little mercy myself and, maybe, I needed to teach it. It is said that we teach that which we most need to learn. I believe it. It is really hard for me to settle down, to slow my roll and have mercy upon myself. It’s difficult for me to allow myself to find rest and ease and comfort. It’s often difficult to find the rhythm and the soul of my days because I’m so busy trying to rock them out.
While I was away from this blog, I had the immense honor and pleasure of taking a yoga trip to Sayulita, Mexico, with my yoga family. For 10 days in February, we walked the beach and the streets of Mexico, soaking in the sun and the general good will of the town and it’s people. 30 or so miles north of Puerto Vallarta, Sayulita is the town you wish you lived in. It is local, non-touristy, open, kind, clean, green, vibrant, eclectic, artistic, yogic, and serene. I can never ever fully express my gratitude for this opportunity nor can I ever truly express what the trip meant to me. 3 days were play, 7 days were yoga (read: mat play,) and all 10 days were revolutionary to me.
This little video is put out by one of the coolest little shops in Sayulita. If it doesn’t work, follow the link. http://vimeo.com/37523708People live like this down there. I saw the little kids featured in this video every single day. I walked these streets and these beaches. I felt this sun and swam in these waters. And I brought it all back with me. Here’s a little taste (many thanks to Jenniferlyn Chiemingo of Haute Yoga Queen Anne for her work on the playlist.)
Sayulita Sun
Change is Gonna Come — Gavin DeGraw
Daylight as Sunset (Warmdown) — Earthrise Soundsystem
My Friday morning class is what I call my flying class – lots of arm balances and inversions. It’s also a class full of funny, wild people who love Lenny Kravitz. After many discussions on the virtues of Mr Kravitz, I made the following playlist. It’s awesome and we love it. Note: The Beastie Boys tracks are from their jazz album The In Sound From Way Out and are instrumental.
It’s been a long time since I have posted any playlists. My students have been asking me over and over and over again to share some, so I thought I would post a few here. Almost everything can be found on iTunes. If you can’t find the songs on iTunes, check Spirit Voyage or White Swan Records.
Right after the St. Louis Cardinals won the world series this year, I made this playlist. It is for power flow type classes, it’s fast and fun and will leave you sweating.
SERIES YOGA
Waterpocket Fold by Hot Buttered Rum
You Got the Music in You by Radicals
Everyday People by Sly and the Family Stone
Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth… by Primitive Radio Gods
I like to use ambient or trance type music in Long Hold yoga, but occasionally I like to mix it up with more popular choices. This playlist has served me well in long hold as well as in Gentle and in some Level 2 classes. Guaranteed to make you yoga stoned!
OPIUM YOGA
Stay in My Heart by Wah!
A Gentle Dissolve by Thievery Coorporation
Maha Deva by Wah!
The Glass Bead Game by Thievery Coorporation
Aqualung by Morcheeba
Tonight the Ocean Swallowed the Moon by Sound Tribe Sector 9
For some strange reason, the owner of this video disabled embedding. Party pooper. Eh, well. Do yourself a favor and head on over here and watch it for yourself. But leave Jack alone. That man belongs to me. As in, he may or may not be chained up in my closet. Don’t judge me.
Yoga Sol has a lot of really groovy things that most other yoga studios don’t have: large glass garage style doors that roll up into the ceiling, a yoga deck, block parties with live music (c’mon!,) and a leaf blower. Yep, a leaf blower. We often open up the doors and either have the breeze and the sun come in to the studio or, as I did this morning, we hold class outside on the large wooden yoga deck. Autumn has been ushered in to CoMO, so we also have something else other studios might not have: leaves. LOADS of leaves. Leaves on the deck, leaves in the parking lot, and even leaves in the studio itself (hence the leaf blower.)
Last night before my class, I grabbed the leaf blower and cleaned off the deck. This morning before class, I opened the doors (the outdoor class was a last minute – perfect – decision,) and started sweeping the studio floor. Students said, “let’s have class outside,” and I’m always game for that, so I got out the leaf blower to clean off the deck.
Have you ever used a leaf blower? No? Let me tell you, it goes a little something like this: turn on leaf blower, leaves fly all up into the air and settle other places, aim leaf blower, be amazed at how the leaves are leaving the space, turn around to unplug the leaf blower, find 5 million leaves that have whipped around and settled down behind you in the exact space you just blew clean. Lather, rinse, repeat. The deck got fairly clean, but as I went back into the studio to put the leaf blower away, I found that the majority of the leaves had taken refuge on the studio floor.
*bangs head on wall.*
Eventually, I just had to declare it good enough. Students rolled out their mats, I rolled out mine, and we got started in class. Sure enough, not 2 minutes into a guided meditation, I saw leaves falling from the sky and settling, not just on the deck, but on my students’ mats. This triggered that type A demon I have living inside of me, but what could I do? It’s not like I was going to go over to a mat each and every time a leaf fell on it and blow it off with the leaf blower! I mean, talk about distraction during Sirsasana! Impossible. So, instead of freaking out, I resorted to a little tip my friend Jason taught me awhile ago: Throw it in the Fuck-it Bucket. What else was there to do?
It brings me all back to this Buddhist (or 12 step, take your pick) concept of Detachment. Buddhist say that life is Dukkha (dissatisfaction, discomfort, suffering, poop.) It’s not the Dukkha that causes the problem, it’s the attachment to avoiding the Dukkha that causes the suffering. Think about it: bad things are going to happen. Your feelings are going to get hurt. You’re going to occasionally be sad / angry / uncertain / uncomfortable / worried / disappointed / treated badly. Those things, in and of themselves, are harmless to us. It is our constant attempt to avoid them, to prevent them from happening, from controlling the situation that makes us crazy, in pain, wild-eyed, neurotic, and full of suffering. Driving yourself crazy to avoid this things that are going to happen (being attached to only having positive experiences and nothing ever going wrong) will only, well, drive yourself crazy! Wait, see what happens, and then do something. In other words:
Shit happens, clean it up! (HA! The new Brawny campaign slogan!)
I could have gone insane cleaning up those leaves. I could have driven myself right up to the doorstep of Nurse Ratched herself had I tried to control those leaves. I could have felt guilt or shame or embarrassment that my students might have been “inconvenienced” by leaves falling on their mat (honestly, who cares about leaves on a mat?) I could have done any or all of those things and lost the moment, lost the purpose, lost the practice. I could have lost the yoga of the dead leaves on the dirty ground (okay, so the deck isn’t dirty ground, but you get what I’m saying, yes?) Class ended up being amazing, a wonderful class under the sun. Class ended, I cleaned up the leaves, and everyone was happy. Including me.
Leaves will fall on your mat. How you deal with them is up to you. I prefer to watch them dance in the breeze. After all,
every breath that is in your lungs is a tiny little gift to me.
Sarahsana: 
