I am always being told that there are no rules for this grief thing, that everyone does it their own way, in their own time, that whatever I’m going through is okay. I agree with them. It’s total anarchy over here. I’m sure that some of the choices I have made – or are contemplating making – cause folks to think I’ve lost my damn mind. I want to ask those people the following question: did I ever truly have it?
It’s no secret that I’m not your typical yogin. I like steak, I like to have a cocktail, I like motorcycles, tattoos, bearded men, bar room brawls, I can cuss like a sailor and make inappropriate jokes. I’m also the kind of yoga teacher that cares more about what an asana feels like rather than what it looks like. What feels better for me might not be what feels better for you. As long as you’re not going to hurt yourself (it’s my job to prevent you from doing that,) get in touch with your inner self and do what feels right. Break the rules. Rule yourself! Anarchy.
All of this came to a head a couple of weeks ago when I realized that there is no way I will please everyone all the time and there are times that I will please no one, so I might as well do what pleases me. I can’t care about what anyone else thinks as I’m grieving my husband. As long as it feels right to me, it’s the right thing to do. That might look like staying in bed all day. That might look like going out and meeting new friends. That might look like getting a new tattoo. That might look like riding down the highway on the back of someone’s Harley. That might look like any number of things, and here’s the thing: I get to make my own rules. The process is sort of Anarchy.
I’ve been watching Sons of Anarchy a lot recently. There’s some release in watching people act out the feelings I have deep inside that I can’t safely act upon. It’s cathartic. Whether that means watching people express feelings without fear of repercussion, loving fearlessly, or getting revenge for someone hurting your loved one, seeing it is better, for me, than acting upon it. The other great thing about SoA is that it has an amazing soundtrack. When everything started coming together, I made a playlist that was almost 100% of songs from SoA. The only exception is one song from Shooter Jennings and one from Frankie Miller. As it turned out, folks responded like gang busters to this playlist and, since I’ve been asked several times to share it, I am going to post it.
Fortunate Son — Bob Thiele, Jr. & Lyle Workman
He Got Away – Noah Gundersen and The Forest Rangers
John the Revelator – Curtis Stigers and The Forest Rangers
This Life (Instrumental) – Domink Hauser
Someday Never Comes – Billy Valentine and The Forest Rangers
Travelin’ Band – Curtis Stigers and The Forest Rangers
Girl From the North Country – The Lions
Gimme Shelter – Paul Brady and The Forest Rangers
15 Million Light Years Away – Shooter Jennings
Sympathy for the Devil – Jane’s Addiction
Higher Ground – Franky Perez and The Forest Rangers
Jealous Guy – Frankie Miller
Bird on a Wire – Katy Sagal and The Forest Rangers
What a Wonderful World – Allison Mosshart and The Forest Rangers
Forever Young – Audra Young and The Forest Rangers
Total Running Time: 1:00.23
Lawlessness never sounded so good!