I have debated writing about this for several days. I have tried to gradually move this blog back into more of a yoga / mindfulness blog and less of a grief processing blog, but as I stated in my first Brian post, I just can’t separate the two. Ultimately, this is a blog about my life and how I see it and what I learn from it. Lotta strands in old Duder’s head. – and they are all tangled together.
While I wouldn’t say that this past week has been the hardest of my life (not by a long shot,) I can with certainty say that it was a fucking nightmare created entirely from the twisted minds of other people. Yes, I know, I should be able to stop this post and my squirrel cage thinking with that sentence. NOT MY DOING. The end. Easier said than done. While I have espoused for years the mantra of “what other people think of me is none of my business,” and I believe it, the fact of the matter is that when people take actions based upon their erroneous beliefs, the results can be devastating.
While my kids and I came out smelling like roses, there were about 36 hours of complete and utter terror in my house last week. No one needs that in their lives, but it was especially traumatizing to us since we are all still trying to recover from the trauma of Brian’s death. I won’t get into the specifics about it because to lend power to the events would be to lend power to the instigators, but the details don’t matter so much to the lesson. I will say this – one of the most painful parts of the whole thing is knowing that this egregious assault on character and lifestyle came from people who could have and most certainly should have spoken to me first, rather than making asinine, unfounded assumptions and acting out of misconstrued truths.
At any given point, the instigators of this horrible week could have spoken to me about their concerns, asked questions, voiced their opinions (not that their opinion would have swayed me one iota,) and asked for clarity and / or more information. These people chose not to do that. They chose instead to gossip amongst each other, gathering hearsay data and mixing it with their own judgements, and jump to ghastly inaccurate conclusions. The result? My children and I were hurt and traumatized and have taken the actions necessary to prevent ourselves from further injury. The result for them? They don’t get to be a part of our lives. Honestly, I think we got the better end of the deal. When someone shows you who they truly are, believe them.
Satya and Ahimsa. Speak the truth and do no harm. We need to talk to one another instead of talking about one another. In this situation, everyone hurts. Had there been open and honest communication, we could have all been saved some pain. Sadly, the other parties involved chose to hide behind other people and sneak around like thieves in the night to fulfill their agenda. I won’t lie – there were days when I wanted to lash out and retaliate against these people for the agony they caused and the fearful distrust they have created in me and my children. I’m human. I wanted them to hurt as badly as they hurt me, I wanted them to feel the slap of betrayal as clearly as we have. I wanted them to suffer, but (gratefully) I have learned to give things time and space so that I can act instead of react. As I write this, my feelings at this moment are those of pity for them (and, admittedly, righteous indignation,) but also pride in myself and my children, in our ability to see through the fog, in our ability to stop playing the dreaded “Telephone Game” of our youth and go straight to the source, and in our ability to make the choices that are best for us and the lives we want to lead.
Talk to each other. Speak the truth. Do no harm.
It’s really that easy.