It’s been a Hell of a couple of weeks for me. Nothing horrible or earth shattering, really, just a whole lot of things piling up and taking over every inch of my brain and heart space. Life has waltzed me onto a dance floor that requires a whole bunch of new wrinkles in my brain. I’m learning business management and ethics (stop laughing,) and economics and marketing and diplomatic bitch slapping with a smile. I’m also learning when to say “yes,” “No,” “I have no idea,” “we’ll see,” and “maybe.” I’m also learning how to forgive and forget, how to lean on people and how to look away, when to bow out and when to dance a little faster. These lessons are coming in every aspect of my life and I would be lying if I said I always knew where to file what bit of information or what it all means.
It’s just life, you know? Work, love, and play – it’s all life. The trick is navigating it, I think. Sometimes the best way for me to navigate is to just sort of shut off a little bit and dive deeply into myself with something that is absolutely not about anything other than just refilling the well. That, my friends, is why I didn’t write last week. I just couldn’t. I didn’t have much to give and I didn’t want to phone it in – you’re too smart for that and you would have seen right through me. I wanted to be able to write thought provoking, inspiring blog posts every day. I wanted to be able to be everything every minute of the day. I wanted to be tireless and constant. The truth is that I’m none of those things.
I eat, drink, breathe, dream, dance, walk, talk, sing, shout, and dress yoga. It is such a huge part of my life and I have never been happier. I adore it, it makes me who I am and is the foundation of my strength, my hope, my centeredness. I also love my children and my husband with the same never ending passion and intensity. I am devoted to the mat, to my family, to my friends, to my blog, to the studio, to my students, to my dog …. I often forget that I should be as devoted to myself.
Sometimes I need a little break, a vacation in my skin. I need to close the bathroom door, run a hot bath, and soak my body in the steamy water while my brain soaks in good written words and my olives soak in top shelf vodka. Sometimes I need to listen to honkey tonk music and dance in the kitchen in my bright red cowboy boots while making breakfast. Sometimes I need to go to bed at 9pm. Sometimes I need to say, “HEY, that’s not okay,” or “I’d really like it if I could do that,” or “I need more,” or “I need less,” or “I need you.”
You might not always get what you want, but you can get what you need and, often, the best person to give you what you need is yourself.
Be still. Close your eyes. Open your ears. Listen to your heart. What is it telling you? What need needs to be filled today? I encourage you step up and fill that need, even if it that need is to sit down.