I did many different versions of Surya Namaskar. Each brought something new to the mix. I found feelings and emotions bubbling up. I didn’t know where they were coming from or what they meant, but I didn’t fight them, I just let them rise up and out. At #27, I suddenly started crying. I still don’t know why. I just cried and felt deeply connected to the energy of everyone around the world. At #30, I felt compelled to rest in Balasana for quite awhile. Still crying, I felt something shift and drain from inside of me. Again, the feeling of connection, of oneness. I did the next 35 salutations on my knees (well, okay, there were Urdhva Mukka Svanasana and Ahdo Mukha Svanasana in there, too.) It was a way of connecting with those who cannot walk, who are suffering on their knees, who are struggling with limited mobility, who are struggling. period.) The tears finally eased a bit and I experienced a kind of nothingness. Well, nothingness + sore arms.
I took another water break and rested. It was incredibly difficult to get started again. In fact, I had to leave and take my kids to class and then to a party. Getting back on the mat after that was really difficult. I remembered what Pattabi Jois said, “Practice and all is coming!” I’m not necessarily an Ashtangi (I am an AshGangi!) but I have always found inspiration in that quote. I lay out my mat and made it through to the end. I cussed some. I laughed some. I cried a bit more. I’d like to say that I had some sort of amazing breakthrough as I finished my 108th series, but if I’m honest, the most profound part of it all was the 35 I did on my knees. I think that’s okay. I will do this again and I’m sure I’ll have a breakthrough again, but maybe at #72 or something. It’s all part of the process.
Today I am beat. My hip is none too pleased with me. I’m sore. I’m tired. I’m grateful that I did it. I feel like I have gone through something and came out the other side. Today I am resting. I am practicing gratitude and ease. I am breathing and reading and meditating and chanting, but I am not moving too much. Stillness after so much motion. All about the balance.
How are you doing on your journey? Speak up and let me know!