#365yoga: Open hearts and super marts, letting go and twinkle toes…



So, confession time.  I read A Year of Living Your Yoga every day, but sometimes I find other passages are more fitting to my day.  While I try to practice according to the date in the book, I find that it’s also yogic to take what suits you and use that.  I’m just throwing that out there because, if you’re playing along, you might find that I write stuff pertaining to day 13 on day 19 or 320.

It might be that day today.  I honestly don’t know.  I read it this morning and I read it yesterday and I honestly cannot remember which date said to sit where you are and feel yourself being connected to everything around you whether you like it or not.  Probably was today, could have been yesterday, I just don’t know.  Nor do I care.  Because today, that’s the yoga I am living.  I’m pretty sure JHL would be down with it, so you oughtta be, too.

The best part of my day was this morning.  The roads finally cleared enough for us to open the studio up.  I held Gentle Yoga this morning and was so happy to spend the hour with old friends and new.  My focus was on opening our hearts to the lessons of the past and the possibilities of the future.  We opened and stretched and bent our backs and urged ourselves forward.  It was beautiful and lovely … well, there’s a saying that we teach what we most need to learn.  Yep.  Learner party of one, right here.

The minute class let out and I turned my phone off Airplane mode, I got one of those phone calls that no one likes. “Hi, Sarah, this is Mr. Nasal Voice from Horrible Insurance Company.  Yeah.  I’m gonna need you to fill out a thousand more forms.  Yeah.  And I know it’s impossible, but I’m going to need  you to do it in triplicate.  yeah…. and I know you’re not going to be able to do it, but I’m going to need you to get the person you no longer really work for to guess how many times you might substitute at their facility in this fiscal year.  Yeah.  Thanks.”

It was only 11:30 am, folks.  ARGH!

So I got home and called Mr Nasal Voice back and got clarification that his requests were, indeed, bullshit and that I would, indeed, give him what I could when I could.  Deep breath.  But then I got to thinking that, if this dude needed that kind of minutia detail for certain official crap to go through, well, then so might some other rather large nation wide organization that I already submitted mind numbing paperwork to just yesterday.  GAHHHHH!

Well.  The truth is that there is just nothing I can do at this point.  Nothing.  Freaking out about it does nothing for me but drag me down and make things worse.  Deep breath.  Let it go.  Be where I am, regardless of if I like or not.  I don’t like it.  I’m a part of it.  I don’t like it.  I am a part of it.  Deep breath.

My oldest son had an appointment this afternoon.  For some reason person we were seeing was , and always has been, more concerned about our schooling situation than he is about anything else.  I guess it’s maybe because he doesn’t have any experience with folks how homeschool, much less unschool, and so he’s kind of unsure how to go about addressing thing he might address to a schooled child, but… I felt, once again, that we are seen as a phenomenon instead of a family.  I continued to draw lines of similarity in how we function with how everyone else functions. I explained.  I respected.  I redirected.  I did everything I could, but at a point, there was nothing left to do but wait for it to be over and then, once again, reconsider the appointment.  Honestly, there’s no one better to see.  Honestly, this is a part of unschooling.  Honestly, it sucks.

Well.  The truth is that there is just nothing I can do at this point.  Nothing.  Freaking out about it does nothing for me but drag me down and make things worse.  Deep breath.  Let it go.  Be where I am, regardless of if I like or not.  I don’t like it.  I’m a part of it.  I don’t like it.  I am a part of it.  Deep breath.

So, after these appointments, I let my kids do something they want to do.  They always want to go to a gnarly Super Mart and look at toys.  LOOK at toys, mind you.  They don’t want to buy, just look. Interesting.  While I’m grateful to not be spending money there, the fact that I am there makes me go crazy.  I was there.  I was a part of it.  I didn’t like it.  I was there.  I was breathing.  I was, and am a part of it and, I was, and am okay.

Eventually I made it home.   I sat in my favorite seat.  Took a breath.  Felt my lovely dog lay on my feet.  I took another breath.  I made dinner.  I took another breath.  I served dinner.  I took a breath. I am okay.  I am a part of it.  I am it.  I am one with it.  I am okay.

I  did what I always do when I need to unwind.  I poured a glass of red wine and painted my toenails.  Today they are sparkly iridescent purple.  They make me so happy!  I am a part of it.  I am breathing.  I am MORE than okay.

We cannot control what comes our way.  We cannot even control what we feel about it.  BUT.  We can control our breath.  We can control our need to control.  We can open our hearts.  We can survive super marts.  We can let go.  And we can realize that sometimes all we need is sparkle toes and a deep breath.



4 responses »

  1. you my friend are a wonder. this was fantastic, heart warming and lovely. even super uber awesome yogini badasses have hard days. good thing we have each other to vent to. amazed at how lucky i am to share this journey with such a cool lady.

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