I was having my daily argument with the mirror this afternoon. It keeps showing me some crazy messed up picture: grey hair, pudgy belly, crows feet, sun spots, and gravity hitting me everywhere. I tell the mirror it’s lying – there’s no way that’s me in there. It keeps telling me every single day that it is, indeed, me it’s showing me and if I keep arguing with it, it’s only going to add more grey hairs and all that other insanity.
I’m leaving for a little over 2 weeks next month. I have never been away from my husband or my children that long and it’s causing some anxiety. Mostly the anxiety is around childcare. My kids don’t go to school, so childcare has to be 24/7 for 16 days. My in-laws are watching them 90% of that time, but it seems that they keep forgetting they’ve agreed to do it! Given, they have a lot on their plates right now, but it stresses me out and pisses me off that this added stress is piling on top of what I’ve already got going.
My calendar looks like a Sharpie factory exploded all over it. There’s not hardly a day from here until November that doesn’t have something planned. Concerts, yoga classes, play dates, coffee dates, lunch dates, husband dates, festivals, meetings, trainings, doctor visits, vet visits… it’s a little overwhelming. My iPhone pings at me all day with reminders of what is going on the next day and, occasionally, reminding me of what I forgot. Sometimes I feel like I should be scheduling time to breathe and pee or else it might not get done.
Stupid 24 hour days.
A month or so ago, I went to a weekend yoga workshop with Polly and some of the other Yoga Sol girls. At the end of the last session, as we were all rolling around and feeling all good and yogadorked out, this song came on.
Just be thankful for what you got…
The mirror and I just had another conversation. I had to apologize because, it’s true, it has not been lying to me. I do have grey hair because I am blessed to have lived long enough to win the platinum award of age. I do have a bit of a pudgy belly because I have been blessed with good food and a kind, rich life. The crows feet are there because I have been blessed to laugh and smile more than not and the laughter and smiles run so deep they carve into my entire being. I have sunspots on my skin because I am blessed to be free to go and have the sun shine brightly upon my face. Even gravity is a result of blessings – I am significant enough to have not floated away.
I am thankful.
I just took a deep breath and laughed. My anxiety is based on blessings. I am blessed enough to have children. I am blessed to be free to travel and learn and follow my dreams. I am blessed to have options. I am blessed to have in-laws because it means I have love. I am blessed to worry about childcare because it means I have children. I am blessed to be able to let my children lead their own education. I am blessed to be a homeschooling mother. I am blessed to be a yoga teacher. I am blessed to have a family who loves me and who wants me to be happy. I love them.
I am thankful.
My calendar is a rainbow. I am blessed to have friends who want to spend time with me. I am blessed to be able to enjoy live music in my town. I am blessed with hearing. I am blessed with health. I am blessed to have a loyal companion in Hank, my 4 legged fur child. I am blessed with children and family and love and friends and a career and a home of my own and places to be and things to do because it means I am alive and healthy and able.
I am thankful.
OH so very thankful.
And the song? It’s available on iTunes. I’m listening to it right now.
Just be thankful for whatchu got!